That's the Joke.

NONCHALANT!SITTING XABI.: After El Clasico on Saturday, an image surfaced depicting Xabi Alonso, sitting alone in the stands of an empty Camp Nou, listening to hipster music, acting as if he didn’t give a fuck his club had defeated their biggest rivals at their home stadium—-because he is a motherfucking boss.

However, going through history, one can note that this is not the first time that Xabi “El Boss” Alonso has sat in a nonchalant manner during pretty important shit.

So I first saw this picture and the gifs of his hair flowing in the wind, and then my friend said he resembled a male model from the 1970s. Naturally this followed. I like mocking my favs—I’d apologize but I do it so much my apologies mean nothing.

IF FOOTBALLERS LIVED IN THE STAR TREK UNIVERSE ||  Iker Casillas (as Captain Picard) of the U.S.S. Real Madrid and Spanish NT

Disclaimer: So I realized I didn’t post this one. You guys know I don’t know where these came from in my mind, and that there’s a high probability I am deranged. However his is tumblr, and the crap I post isn’t as bad as many things posted in all seriousness.

If Cristiano Ronaldo is the womanizing, wreckless, but ultimately badass Captain Kirk in this universe, Iker has to be the contemplative, gentlemanly, Captain Picard exuding that quiet strength while still being totally badass. (YES I understand that this would make Cris older than Iker, but has anything I’ve ever posted made sense?)

The thing about Picard and Iker is that there’s two personalities to them both. With Picard there’s the wise and enlightened one in the television series, and the really yelly, dumb, action-hero one from the movies. In the same vein, there’s the Iker that doesn’t trash talk players or clubs even when they are his fiercest rivals, who exudes leadership and quiet strength for the rest of his team. Then, there’s the Iker who gets pissed off when one of the defenders makes a stupid error and starts screaming, and pulling out the “Puta”s. IDK, it might make more sense in my head.

Also both of them are suffering from male pattern baldness. (Look inside yourselves, you know it to be true.) I’m sorry Iker.

IF FOOTBALLERS LIVED IN THE STAR TREK UNIVERSE ||  Fernando Torres (as Khan) of the U.S.S. I’ve Pissed Everyone Off

Disclaimer: You’ll probably only understand this if you get that Khan is the bad guy in the “Wrath of Khan”. He’s a villain okay? Just go with it.

Fuck it, I’m not apologizing for this one (at least for today, considering the atmosphere). Not to mention I decided that poor Real Madrid deserved a break. (I mean, I only do what I do because I love them—in an albeit demented fashion). Also I actually got REBLOGGED.  People saw my stupidity! I’m proud.

Why are Torres and Khan similar? Perhaps it’s because they were both pretty boys, who made everyone fall in love with them and then BAM, you’re betrayed and you feel kind of dumb because you were seduced by the pretty hair. Maybe it’s because when you finally notice the evil** (If you’re a LFC fan) it’s too late and you’re suddenly down a crew member and/or making mistakes: (In the case of Star Trek the mistake was Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock, in the case of LFC, the mistake was Andy Carroll being bought for $35 mil.)

I suppose the greatest similarity is the fact that several people probably found themselves  screaming out “TORRRESSS!!!” dramatically at the sky.